Dear Closure Seeker
If you want closure, don’t seek it.
Here’s the thing, you don’t need closure. There’s nothing worse than asking for closure after you’ve dated or almost dated someone.
Why? Because if you think that they can explain anything to you, you’re wrong. Trust me. I’ve been on the other side. There were times when I walked away from someone without saying why.
Some didn’t care. Some asked if they did something wrong. Those who asked for closure got elusive answers, which hardly helped.
If you want to roast me for it, you can do so, but it’s the way it is. Sometimes, we just don’t know.
There is hardly an explanation
Imagine reaching out to them asking for explanations; what do you think they will tell you?
“You were needy.”
“You were smothering me.”
“You got too involved too fast.”
“It was not going to work out long term.”
Which of these answers makes you feel better?
They won’t tell you any of this. It’s not their intention to hurt you. We’re all human, and we don’t like saying people are needy, clingy, and insecure.
They would say that it is not you. It is them. They love you but can’t be with you for reasons X and Y. They would also tell you that they understand if you hate them for this. That they don’t expect anything from you anymore. And so on. So, will anything of this help you get closure?
You may say, “I am not needy.” “I am not insecure.” Whatever, dude. They still had reasons for disconnecting, and they were entitled to do so without explanation.
Everyone is free to leave anytime
No one owes anybody anything. You’re a free person. So are they. You have absolutely no right to ask for closure. You have no right to put them under that pressure. Because you can leave at any moment, and they can do the same.
Don’t force shit on them. Maybe they’ll come with you. Maybe they’ll ditch you. Maybe they’ll ghost you.
And, guess what? Ghosting is not illegal.
Sure, it’s not fun. But who said that dating is a piece of cake?
The closure is a myth
The closure is a myth.
I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but it does not exist.
People move on for all sorts of reasons — they may have met someone else, they may have realized that you’re not the right person for them, or they may have just lost interest. There is no one answer that will make you feel better.
Please stop asking them for closure. Let them go and focus on your life. Do not compromise your self-respect by begging someone to stay with you or give you some explanation as to why they are no longer interested in you.
If you want to feel sad, that’s okay.
Feel sad. Feel it.
Feel like you’ve lost something.
Cry if you need to.
But don’t let that consume you.
Neither your well-being nor your life depends on anybody else. The only person who has control over you is yourself.
Seeking closure is needy
Want to hear the harsh truth? Seeking closure is needy.
You may say things like, “I need to have a healthy conversation so I can move on.”
Stop. That. Shit.
If you truly loved yourself, would you seek closure?
I doubt that. And you love yourself already. You just need to remember that.
Seeking closure is unhealthy
Here is more. Seeking closure is unhealthy. You are obsessed with someone who is no longer in your life.
Trying to figure out what happened, you replay all the conversations and situations with this person.
Then your brain finds something — an instance of feeling insecure in a relationship and expressing that through your words or actions.
You think, “Aha! That’s why.”
Then you start hurting yourself mentally (“It’s your fault! You caused it all”). As if there was not enough pain already.
You start thinking, “If only I could explain myself,” or “I need to prove to them that I’m not the same person anymore.”
Are you sure you want to explain yourself? They didn’t explain anything to you, so why should you?
Even if you could undo certain things, it doesn’t mean that the relationship would not end. It was not meant to work out. Period.
Accept it and move on. The real closure is within you and you only.
You will find someone else eventually. Just give it some time. Do not rush things.
Be cool. I beg you.
Because after all the pain you’ve been through, you deserve to be happy.
